It's sad that COVID-19 means we won't see pantos this Christmas

Cue everyone reading this thinking, ‘oh no, you haven’t’.

One year we even went to the Theatre Royal in Nottingham. Rod Hull and Emu read out my birthday from the stage.

Rod did most of the reading.

That may have been my first taste of showbiz, and with the way things are going with the lockdown, that may be the heights I never see again.

It’s sad to read that many pantos won’t be going ahead this year – it’s a British institution.

It’s like the High Street and I’ll miss it when it’s gone, although, if I am honest, I haven’t been there in years.

The last time I was in a panto audience was when I’d started dating an actress who was starring in one.

No-one tells you how silly you’ll feel as a fully grown man going to see a panto on his own.

You get some funny looks.

It didn’t help that with my faster reactions and longer arms I caught most of the sweets thrown anywhere near me.

The Government has allowed theatre performances but the Covid-compliant restrictions make many shows unsustainable.

The audience has to be spaced out, which can affect ticket sales revenue.

For pantos, social distancing causes more problems.

When the villain walks on stage the crowd will have to shout ‘he’s behind you – hopefully two metres behind you’.

It is understandable that local shows can’t go ahead when even big West End extravaganzas have struggled.

Earlier this year the run of Phantom of the Opera came to an early end because of the lockdown restrictions, which is a shame because the main character in that was already wearing a mask.

They could have followed in EastEnders’ footsteps and made the pantos with safety protocols in place.

Cinderella wouldn’t have gone to the ball because she would have been in lockdown.

Snow White would have been bubbling with the Seven Dwarfs but one was Sneezy, so that would trigger 14 days of quarantine.

Aladdin would still have rubbed that lamp but would it wake the genie if you’re rubbing it with an antibacterial wipe?

We may never know.

I realise the loss of a few pantos isn’t the biggest problem we face this year but it’s something I’ll miss.

Hopefully pantos will return in 2021, just in time for them to be cancelled because men play the old women and women play the boys and that’ll offend someone, I’m sure.

Steve N Allen is a comedian and broadcaster who was raised in Sutton-in-Ashfield.